


what a roadtrip

by aesthalon



Category: DreamSMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, pptwt - fandom
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Road Trips, pptwt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthalon/pseuds/aesthalon
Summary: alternatively named, pptwt on a pptrip; punz, jojo, boomer, 5up, gumi, sam, ant, and velvet all decide to go on a roadtrip. what will they do? what shenanigans will occur? what piss jokes will be made?*NOT a ship fic (though there are mentions of antfrost's and velvet's relationship), just pure family/sibling dynamics, fluff, and the perfect amount of dirty humor
Relationships: Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. chaotic beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is also @aesthalon, where you can follow me for theories, fic updates, and more! my motivation fluctuates on the daily, so please be patient with updates :)

“Will this even fit?”

“That’s what she said.”  
  


“Language!”

Bad was yelling at Sam and Boomer whilst they packed the trunk, continuing to act like rowdy middle school boys. 

Gumi mused over the situation, index finger pointedly tapping her bottom lip, and taking in the sheer chaos that was unfortunately laid out in front of her. 

Currently, Sam was trying to shove a comically large suitcase into the trunk, with Boomer eagerly helping him, both clearly excited for the upcoming 18 hour road trip they were all about to partake in. Ant and Red seemed to be in deep discussion about something or other, talking closely in hushed tones. 5up was over by Jojo and Punz, restlessly pacing in an effort to keep himself sane. The poor man had regretfully agreed to be the one to take over a majority of the driving, for the rest had outright refused with lame excuses:

“I’m shit at driving.”  
  


“Same here. Sorry guys, but I really don’t want to get us all killed.”

  
“I haven’t got my driver’s license yet.”

“Bull _shit_ dude. No chance, you’re just pussying out of driving.”

“And you aren’t? At least it’s a better excuse than Red’s. That fucker straight up just said ‘oh I’m just too gay to drive.’”

“First of all, Boomer, it’s true, and second, this is most definitely a hate crime and I will in fact be labeling you as homophobic. Watch your ass, pisser.”

As it was clear that no one was up for the task, 5up felt obligated to be the bearer of the burden. 

Heaving a miserable sigh, the man called for everyone to start piling into the van. Jojo patted him on the back, a trivial attempt at providing him of any such reassurance. Really, she was just glad that she wasn’t the one who had to do it. Call her selfish, but knowing how Boomer, Sam, and Punz acted together, especially once they were all riled up (she predicted that they’d last for about an hour, maybe two), it would be a nightmare to deal with.

Well, at least she knew that he’d be able to stay awake.

5up took the driver's seat, whereas Gumi called shotgun, to the dismay of Punz and Jojo. Sam and Boomer, still in avid conversation, took the left and middle seats of the middle row. They seem to have calmed down at the moment, seating themselves down and buckling themselves up. Jojo, quick to realize who she would have to sit with if not for being next to the rowdy pair, swiftly reclined the seat back. Encouragingly pressuring Punz into the back row, she unapologetically flashed a sadistic smile as a look of realization donned upon his face. Red and Ant squeezed into the back after him, and Punz knew that he was done for.

Glaring his eyes, all he could muster was a “Jojo, you motherfucker.”

“Hey, I still have to deal with Boomer. I simply chose to be smart and pick my battles.”

To Punz’s direct right? Ant and Red—the _lovebirds_. The two were grotesquely perfect for each other, and the looks they shared were far too intimate for Punz to be comfortable with. Not that he was uncomfortable with their relationship—he just felt more than intrusive and out of place during such private moments. It was sickening, how sweet they were.

He could only hope that Sam and Boomer, seated right in front of him, would be entertaining enough to distract him from the couple. 

“Jojo, you have to be well aware that not only am I dealing with this godforsaken couple, but also both Sam _and_ Boomer sitting right in front of me.”

To his right, he could practically hear Ant’s wicked smirk as he remarked “Hey, we’re right here you know.”

To his front, feigning offence and overexaggeredly making an effort to sound hurt: “Aw, Punz baby, are you saying that you don’t love me anymore?”

Looking up, he witnessed possibly the worst thing he could have ever been exposed to: Boomer was pouting his lip, displaying puppy-dog eyes in the most disgusting manner the former man had ever seen.

“Boomer I am going to politely ask you to shut the fuck up, before I rip out your vocal chords from your mouth, tie them in a knot, and shove them back down your throat so you never speak again.”

“Ayo, that’s kinda hot bro.”

Silence.

“Dude, I’m not nearly drunk enough to deal with this shit.”

Once Punz, Red, and Ant were buckled in and comfortable (aside from Punz, who looked like he was about to scream), Jojo pushed back the chair and got in herself, thankful that she had some space to breathe. She had safely secured herself a window seat, and if she squeezed hard enough, she could make the window completely occupy her line of sight, so that she could ignore the sheer chaos that was bound to happen. That didn’t make her completely in the clear however—Sam and Boomer were still directly next to her, and she was well aware of how rowdy they could be, especially with Punz right behind them.

She shuddered.

Up until this point, Bad had still been nervously checking over the trunk. He counted over the luggages, checked if they had enough food in the cooler, and made sure that everything was secure enough so as to not rattle too much during transit. Finally content with the contents of the trunk, he shut the door and walked up to 5up.

“Alright, do you know where you’re heading? What am I kidding, of course you do. You know how to use a GPS. Right? Oh god, why am I so nervous,” Bad rambled, clearly worried.

“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have come with us. You force us to meet up at your house and give us supplies, yet refuse to tag along? Now I know how Skeppy feels.”

“NO 5UP IT’S NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR- I just- I’m going to be busy for the next couple days, but I wanted to make sure you all would be okay. I know how long of a drive it’ll be, and _some_ people,” he continued, pointedly glaring at Boomer and Punz, “may or may not make dealing with it harder.”

“Ah, I get it, you didn’t come because you didn’t want to deal with us. I see, I see.”  
  


“5up _please-_ ”

“Nah, I’m just kiddin’ with you, I get it Bad. You have your shit to deal with, and I can respect that. We’ll miss you though.” 

“No we won’t,” interjected Boomer, with a shit-eating grin. Taken aback, Bad furiously reddened and immediately resorted to telling the man off, and the latter could do nothing but smile wider.

Rolling his eyes and giving Bad a grateful nod, 5up began rolling back up the window and started the car.

“I hope you all have fun, also language.” Waving his final goodbyes to everyone, Bad stepped back with a relieved sigh. He trusted 5up enough to know that the man would try his best to keep things mediated. Nevertheless, he still heard the onslaught of screams now coming from Boomer and Punz, coupled with Sam’s mischievous giggles, as the car backed out of the driveway and onto the road.

There was no way in hell that those three would let everyone have a peaceful drive. Bad could only hope that 5up could somehow manage to not kill everyone, whether on purpose or not.


	2. chipping sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang decide to stop by a gas station, and theoretically, nothing should go wrong.
> 
> theoretically.

Not even two hours into the road trip, and 5up desperately craved for the sweet release of death. Not only had Boomer wrapped Sam into his shenanigans, but Punz as well, and neither Red, Ant, Gumi, nor Jojo preferred to stop it. 

“We still have 16 hours left in this road trip, please, I beg of you all to shut up already. Repeatedly saying ‘are we there yet?’ was never funny, when will you all learn?”

“But… 5up…  _ are _ we there yet?” Sam cheekily replied, accompanied with snorts and giggles from Punz and Boomer.

The car came to an abrupt stop. 

“That’s it. Out the car. Now.”

“Ayo chill chill  _ chill- _ we were just messin’ with you man, start the car back up already,” Boomer half-yelled, panicking over the fact that the man would actually kick them out of the car. He didn’t know if the latter had the balls, but Boomer wasn’t willing to take any chances. 

Shooting the man a stare, 5up announced “If I hear one more goddamn comment about when we’re arriving, I swear on all things holy I will pit all of my twitter stans against you. You’re on thin fucking ice, pissboy.”

Intimidated at the sudden change in tone, Boomer backed down and went back into conversation with Punz and Sam, albeit a bit more calmly. Jojo and Gumi had been ignoring the ruckus for the most part, talking quietly amongst themselves about plans for their vacation, going over where they’d stop for a break, and what food they’d grab on the way. Really, they were just trying to make conversation with 5up so that he wouldn’t fall asleep.

“Where do you think we should stop by next? I’m not too familiar with this area, but Google Maps says that there’s a banger sushi place up ahead,” commented Gumi, scrolling through her phone.

“Honestly, I kinda just want to binge on giant bags of chips and drink shitty soda. We only have shitty trail mix, and I really just wanna get that whole ‘road trip’ experience, y’know?”

“Alright Jojo, gas station it is then.”

As if right on cue, a gas station appeared just within their line of sight, and 5up pulled right into it.

“Alright guys, bathroom break. Yes, I am forcing you all to use the bathroom now, I can’t have y’all pissing your pants in my car.”

“I bet Boomer would like that.”

“ _ Velvet- _ ”

“Oh yeah? And what if I did? What’s it to you, buddy?”

“Goddammit,” Gumi muttered under her breath, annoyedly yanking the car door open and beckoning Jojo out with her. The girl gladly took up the offer, wanting to stretch her limbs after being stuck in such an uncomfortable position for so long. She still wasn’t sure if she would last the whole 18 hours, and the constant bickering simply wasn’t helping.

Stepping out of the car and headed for the bathrooms, 5up filled the tank and promptly parked the car in one of the parking spaces before accompanying them. By that time, Sam and Punz were already done, and 5up spotted them in the small convenience store, checking out the snacks. Jojo and Gumi seemed to just be heading out, but Boomer, Red, and Velvet were still taking their sweet time. 

From the corner of his eye, Punz spotted 5up heading into the bathrooms. He turned to Sam, bag of chips in his hand, and asked in a hushed tone, “I’m kinda hungry, and I’m itching to do something stupid right about now.”

Looking to his left and right, Sam quickly surveyed the area to ensure that no one was watching. With a slight smirk and the subtlest of winks, he began grabbing all that he could from the shelves. Punz seemed to understand immediately, and the two boys were seen sharing mischievous grins as they nicked all of the snacks, bringing them to the counter. While the store clerk seemed slightly concerned, he feigned carelessness and happily accepted the money. Profit is profit, no matter how he gets it, he supposed.

Jojo and Gumi, now out of the bathroom, turned their attention towards the scene unfolding in front of them. 

“Are they… raiding the fucking store?”

“Jojo, I am simply going to choose to ignore this and look away. I suggest you do the same.”

“Now what the fuck is going on out here,” Velvet asked, now coming out the bathroom. Ant trailed behind him, eyes widening at the realization of what was happening in the store.

“Wh-”

“Don’t. Even.” Gumi interrupted, fingertips circling her temples.

As if right on cue, Boomer loudly slammed open the bathroom door with the iconic, piercing “AYO,” and immediately joined Sam and Punz without question. To Gumi’s dismay, it did not, in fact, help her raging migraine that resulted from the mass amounts of disappointment and embarrassment she received from such a vast display of stupidity. Quickly, the three cleared out of the store in a flurry of giggles to avoid any overlap with 5up, intending to hide their extensive supply of stacks somewhere in the car.

Whilst everyone had been taken aback and hence rendered speechless, all Jojo could muster was “God, I think my forehead will now be made permanently red from the amount of times I’ve face-palmed at those three. How did any of us think we would last the full 18 hours?”

Arms now crossed, Jojo looked to her right for signs of agreement, instead finding Ant and Red looking at each other, seemingly in their own world. If anything, Jojo got the sign that neither of the two had cared all that much for what was happening. They were disgustingly cute together, she wanted to vomit. To her disappointment, she was now under the realization that she would have to deal with a bunch of rowdy middle school boys and a grotesquely enamored couple for the remainder of the trip.

“What’s going on out here? You look like you want to die more than usual,” 5up commented, now out of the bathroom after what felt like ten years.

“Just- let’s just go.”

5up raised his eyebrow, though he chose not to delve deeper into the subject. Something told him that he would regret asking.

… 

“Where did you get that bag of chips from?”

5up could hear the muffled crinkling of chips, not recalling any instance of Bad packing unhealthy snacks for the group. He distinctly remembered being on call with Puffy while he bought groceries for the trip, and she had strongly advised that everyone refrain from falling into the temptation that was the typical unhealthy road trip diet, instead urging the man to resort to healthier alternatives.

_ “You do realize that they’re all going to kill me, right? If I had to guess, I would assume that about 80% of the reason why most of them agreed to go on this trip was for the food, specifically the mass amounts of junk they would now be justified in consuming on the road,” 5up argued, seeing quite the obvious flaw in Puffy’s logic. _

_ “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter. As the now self-declared mother of you all-” _

_ “Mother?” _

_ “Yes,” Puffy continued, now emphasizing her previous statement, “as the now self-declared mother of you all, I am going to force healthy foods down your throats whether you like it or not. You better call me during that fucking trip so that I can properly check up on you guys.” _

Oh yeah. 5up should probably call her. 

“Hey Gumi, can you call Puffy for me? She wanted to be on this road trip with us, but couldn’t make it since her schedule just didn’t allow for it. I promised her that I’d call her, so put her on speaker will you?”

Gumi plugged her phone into the car’s speaker, causing everyone’s prior conversations to die down. All that was heard was the slow crunches that Sam was now desperately trying to muffle. It was no good, really, as it was widely heard throughout the car regardless. The car reeked of salt, and 5up could only hope that Sam’s greasy fingers weren’t making too much of a mess on the seats.

Gumi’s phone began to ring, once, twice, and on the third, the call went through.

“Hey Gumi, can you put me on facetime for a sec? I just want to check up on y’all and make sure that y’all have been staying healthy and not impulsively binging on unhealthy snacks or anything. Because, y’know, I’m a loving mother and all that.”

Punz, Boomer, and Sam pointedly shared alarmed glances, after having pulled their stunt back at the gas station. Ant seemed to also be tied up in this fiasco, as his arm was elbow deep in a family pack of Doritos.

“Psst, Red, do we know where the trail mix is?” 

“No, Sam, I don’t know where the trail mix is. Also, there’s no point in whispering—you can’t hide the fact that you bought like 20 bags of chips with fucking  _ trail mix. _ ”

“You bought  _ HOW MANY?! _ ”

Various cries of disbelief and disappointment erupted from both Puffy and 5up, the latter in utter shock at how the three men were able to hide that many bags of chips in his car. He assumed that they’d only bought one or two, but it seemed that he had underestimated their idiocy. 

“What the  _ fuck _ is wrong with you all? I swear to god if I were there I would smite you down where you stand. You’re lucky that I’m not,” Puffy threatened, practically fuming red on the camera, “It’s like I can’t leave you three alone for one goddamn second, can I? That poor store clerk had to deal with all of y’alls bullshit- did y’all even think of how they had to individually scan those one by one?”

Puffy continued on with her onslaught of verbal disappointment and incredulity, but it seemed to have little to no effect on Sam, Boomer, or Punz. In fact, it seemed that Boomer and Sam were very unsuccessfully attempting to stifle in their laughs, whereas Punz kept himself unbothered, simply staring into the camera as he reached his arm back into the bag. 

“I’m so done with all of you,” Puffy sighed, finally having realized that her efforts were futile. “The least y’all could do is share with the others—try not to eat it all at once, for the love of god.”

“Oh don’t worry Puffy, we definitely won’t! Anyways bye, call you later, have fun, hasta la vista, toodles-” and with a click, Boomer ended the call.

“What the fuck do you mean you won’t?” Jojo questioned, now glaring at the inane man.

“I said what I said. Now back the fuck off.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so excited for this fic !! if you have any fluffy scenes you'd like included, feel free to suggest them below <3


End file.
